"FOR THE SYSTEM! FOR THE REWARDS! DARE TO TOUCH, BABY!" Jack screamed, diving forward through the museum air like a white-and-lavender missile.
Natasha didn't panic. She moved with the fluid, terrifying grace of a master assassin. The moment Jack’s open hands lunged for her emerald-green dress, her left hand shot out like a steel whip, snatching his right wrist mid-air and twisting it inward.
CRACK-TWIST!
"Ah! My wrist joint! Beautiful technique, Moscow!" Jack shrieked, his chalk-white face bursting into a hysterical grin as he spun with the momentum instead of fighting it.
He used the pivot to throw his chest right against her shoulder, his remaining left hand wildly reaching for her collarbone!
"You really don't know when to quit, do you?" Natasha purred, her eyes cold as ice as she ducked under his wild arm, drove a sharp elbow straight into his already-fractured ribs, and swept his left ankle out from under him.
THWACK!
The blow to his ribs would have sent a normal human into spinal shock, but Jack’s [12.5% SYNCHRONIZATION] muted the agony into pure, electric euphoria.
As he tumbled backward over a velvet velvet-rope barrier, Jack did a frantic, mid-air cat-twist, reaching out with two outstretched, white-painted fingers and flicking the fabric right over Natasha's chest—a single, desperate, split-second TAP right on the front of her gown!
TAP.
[SYSTEM QUEST COMPLETED: "THE ULTIMATE UNHINGED FLEX"]
"The Widow's Touch": COMPLETED!
"Milf & Cookies": COMPLETED!
"Stark’s Bar Tab": COMPLETED!
[QUEST REWARD GRANTED!]
Synchronization Level: 12.5% → 21.0%
New Passive Unlocked: [Jester’s Glass Body] – Impact damage causes temporary bone rigidity and immediate physical counter-bounce. Your laugh now inflicts minor psychological disorientation on targets within 15 feet.
Jack hit the polished marble floor on his back with a deafening THUD, sliding ten feet into a display of ancient Greek pottery.
CRASH! SHATTER!
He sat straight up in the middle of three-thousand-year-old terracotta shards, his head ringing, his bloodshot eyes glowing with an unholy, electric-blue spark as the [21.0% SYNCHRONIZATION] flooded his nervous system like liquid lightning.
His chalk-white face lit up, his crimson lip balm scar splitting wide as he threw his arms up toward the crystal chandeliers.
"SUCCESS! I TOUCHED THE WIDOW! THE SYSTEM IS SATISFIED! HAHAHAHA!" Jack roared, his voice bouncing off the high stone arches with a terrifying, disorienting echo that made two city council members instantly cover their ears in dizziness.
Natasha stood over him, holding her wrist-gauntlets ready, but her eyebrows raised in utter, bewildered disbelief. "You literally broke three jars and took an elbow to the lung just to touch my shoulder strap, Jack?"
"Worth it, Red! EVERY SINGLE PERCENTAGE POINT!" Jack cackled, popping back to his feet like a rubber toy, entirely ignoring the fact that his left arm was hanging at a weird angle.
"Enough!" Tony Stark yelled, slamming a silver briefcase onto the marble floor beside him.
CLICK-CLACK-KZZZZZT!
The briefcase expanded in a flurry of mechanical plates, servos, and high-pitched repulsor hums, instantly wrapping around Tony's arm and torso in a streamlined red-and-gold Iron Man gauntlet and chest-plate assembly.
"I gave you a pass at my apartment," Tony said, his face visor snapping shut with a cold, metallic CLANG. "I gave you a pass on my Shelby Cobra. But you drank my '45 Macallan, you broke Greek pottery, and you're making a scene at a high-society charity event!"
The palm repulsor charged with a blinding blue light: BZZZZZZZZT!
"FRIDAY, set repulsor output to 'Stun and Eject'!" Tony commanded.
"Ooh, the Tin Man is puttin' on his shiny boots!" Jack gasped, stepping right up to the glowing blue repulsor barrel, his wide, white-and-crimson face reflecting in Tony's polished gold visor.
"Last words, Joker?" Tony’s mechanical voice filter echoed.
Jack reached into his pocket, pulled out a half-eaten chocolate chip cookie from Aunt May, and slapped it right onto Tony’s golden face-plate.
"Aunt May sends her regards, Shell-head!" Jack shrieked, grabbing Natasha by the waist and Felicia by the arm. "RETREAT TO THE LAUNDRY VAN! HAHAHAHA!"
Jack pulled a high-powered smoke grenade from his lavender jacket, pulled the ring with his teeth, and slammed it onto the marble floor!
BOOM-PFFFT!
Thick, yellow-and-crimson carnival smoke filled the Great Hall, setting off every sprinkler in the building. As water showered down on billionaires in tuxedos, Jack’s wild, screeching laughter echoed all the way out into the rainy Manhattan night.
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