Arthur Vance was hyperventilating into a paper bag behind his desk, but the cameras kept rolling.
"Now, folks, every great talk show needs a heavy-hitting surprise guest!" Jack announced, springing up from his armchair and pacing the stage with his gold-wrapped microphone. "A man who needs no introduction... mostly because he introduces himself every three seconds!"
Jack pointed his finger dramatically at the empty center stage.
Through [Joker’s Anarchy Ledger], Jack overrode the studio's projection rig and patched directly into Avengers Tower's secure Holo-Com line—forcing Tony Stark's personal encrypted feed into the live broadcast!
BZZZZT-FWUMP!
A hyper-realistic, six-foot-tall blue holographic projection of Tony Stark materialized right in the middle of Studio 6B. Tony was sitting in his high-tech lab with an ice pack resting on his head and a cup of cold espresso in his hand.
"FRIDAY, I told you to cut the—" Tony froze mid-sentence, realizing he was suddenly illuminated by studio lights, staring at a three-camera setup with a live applause track roaring in his ears.
CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! GIVE IT UP FOR ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!" Jack screamed into the mic, clapping furiously while leaning over the hologram's shoulder like an affectionate best friend.
Tony’s holographic jaw dropped. "Jack? What... where are you? FRIDAY, terminate this feed!"
"Unable to terminate, Boss," FRIDAY’s voice chimed in through the studio speakers, sounding bizarrely cheerful due to Jack's corrupted audio patch. "The host has locked your Holo-Com stream on a seventy-second delay. You are currently live on seventeen national networks."
Tony closed his eyes, taking a long, deep breath to prevent his blood pressure from exploding. He set his espresso down and looked directly at Jack's grinning, painted face.
"Jack. You are sitting in a news studio thirty stories above a militarized zone," Tony said, his voice dropping into a tight, dangerous rumble. "Cap is two minutes away. S.H.I.E.L.D. tactical is in the lobby. You have nowhere to go."
"Oh, Anthony, darling, you always focus on the geography!" Jack rasped, waving his hand dismissively as he took a bite of his candied apple. "We're not talking about logistics tonight! We're talking about ratings! Tell me, Tony... how does it feel knowing my late-night special is pulling three times the viewers of your last Stark Expo keynote?!"
Sitting on the guest couch behind Jack, Natasha took a elegant sip of her sparkling water and looked at Tony’s hologram with a cool, mocking tilt of her head. "He’s right, Tony. The demographic numbers in the Midwest are phenomenal."
Tony looked like he wanted to jump through the holographic projection and strangle both of them. "Natasha. You're a former Avenger. You're helping him threaten the national banking grid for a late-night comedy bit!"
"Correction, Anthony!" Jack interrupted, leaning into the camera lens with a wicked, manic twinkle in his bloodshot eyes. "We're not threatening the banking grid... we're democratizing it! Felicia, what’s the ticker count?!"
Felicia stepped into the camera frame, holding a high-tech tablet linked to the Stark repulsor array. She flashed a dazzling silver smile at the lens. "We're up to nine hundred thousand dollars in micro-pennies transferred straight to Aunt May's Queens Youth Center, boss!"
"NINE HUNDRED THOUSAND!" Jack shrieked, slapping Tony’s holographic shoulder—his hand passing right through the blue light. "See that, Tony?! We're doing charity! You give away tax-deductible galas, I give away your money! The people love us!"
Tony rubbed the bridge of his nose, exasperated beyond belief. "Jack... when Steve walks through that studio door in sixty seconds, I am personally going to fly down there and hand-deliver your arrest warrant."
"Oh, Cap's coming?!" Jack squealed with joy, turning to the live studio band. "STRIKE UP THE BAND, BOYS! PLAY US OUT TO COMMERCIAL!"
BOOM!
The heavy studio doors burst open at the back of the set, smoke billowing into the aisle as Captain America’s shield cut through the fog, ricocheting off the camera boom!
"That's our cue, folks!" Jack shouted, grabbing Natasha and Felicia by their hands. He blew a dramatic kiss to Tony's holographic face. "Thanks for coming on the show, Tony! Don't forget to tip your server! GOODNIGHT, NEW YORK! HAHAHAHA!"
Jack slammed a smoke grenade onto the oak desk as the live broadcast cut to a bright pink "TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES" screen featuring a dancing rubber duck!
Comments (0)