The engine of the vintage ice cream truck roared, black smoke belching from its rusted tailpipe as the vehicle surged down the damp asphalt.
POP-GOES-THE-WEASEL blared at ear-splitting volume, echoing off the steel cables of the Brooklyn Bridge like the soundtrack to an impending disaster.
Captain America didn't flinch.
As the truck tore toward the barricade at fifty miles an hour, Steve Rogers planted his boots firmly on the wet pavement, pulled his arm back, and hurled his Vibranium shield with terrifying precision.
WHOOSH-KLUNK!
The star-spangled disc ricocheted through the foggy air, slicing straight through the truck's front grill like butter, severing the drive belt, cracking the engine block, and shattering both front tires in a single fluid arc before snapping right back into Steve's waiting leather gauntlet.
SCREEEEEEEECH!
The ice cream truck's front end slammed down onto the road, spraying sparks, coolant, and burning rubber across the bridge. The vehicle spun sideways, flipping onto two wheels before crashing onto its side and sliding thirty yards across the slick asphalt, slamming violently into a concrete divider right in front of the blockade!
"Hold your fire! Advance with caution!" Steve commanded, raising his hand to hold back the eager S.H.I.E.L.D. riot squad.
For three seconds, there was silence, save for the hissing steam rising from the destroyed engine.
Then, the side door of the overturned truck was kicked open with a loud BANG!
A thick cloud of white strawberry-flavored freezer smoke poured out onto the bridge. Out stepped Jack, holding a giant wooden popsicle like a sword, his paper soda-jerk hat miraculously still perched on his chalk-white, soot-covered head.
"Ten out of ten for the disc throw, Cap!" Jack rasped, dusting off his lavender velvet blazer while wiping a smudge of cherry syrup off his chin. "Though I must say... your customer service is terrible! I was going to offer you a free Bomb Pop!"
Behind him, Natasha vaulted smoothly out of the wreckage in a low roll, her two suppressed pistols drawn and aimed directly at Steve's chest. Felicia leaped onto the roof of the overturned truck like a cat, crouching with her silver claws extended, her eyes glittering with excitement in the flashing police lights.
Steve stepped forward, shield raised. "Natasha. Felicia. Stand down. You don't have to do this. He's an unpredictable lunatic using you for his own sick entertainment."
"Oh, Cap..." Natasha murmured, her voice smooth and dangerous as she slowly circled to his left, her grey eyes locked onto his guard. "...you always assume the woman needs saving. What if I just like the show?"
"Besides," Felicia purred, darting along the steel cables above Steve's head, "he pays in untraceable bearer bonds and takes us to the best parties!"
"See?!" Jack shrieked happily, spinning his wooden popsicle before tossing it over his shoulder and pulling two brass crowbars from his coat. "The ladies love the circus! Now... LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR DRESS CODE, CAPTAIN! HAHAHAHA!"
Jack lunged forward with unbelievable speed! Fueled by [35.0% SYNCHRONIZATION], his movements were erratic, twitchy, and completely unpredictable. He swung the iron crowbar in a wild, jagged arc aimed straight at Steve's temple!
CLANG!
Steve brought his shield up just in time, the Vibration absorbing the impact effortlessly. But before Steve could counter with a shield bash, Jack pulled the lever on his brass air-horn right in front of Cap's face!
HONK-HONK-HONK!
"WHAT'S THE MATTER, ROGERS?! DISTRACTED BY THE TRUMPETS?!" Jack cackled, dodging backward as Steve instinctively took a half-step back from the deafening noise.
At the exact same instant, Natasha closed the distance from the flank, sweeping her leg to knock Steve off balance, while Felicia dropped down from the cables above, aiming a lightning-fast claw strike at his shield straps!
Steve reacted with the battle-hardened instincts of a super-soldier. He ducked under Natasha’s kick, pivoted on his heel, and slammed the edge of his shield against Felicia’s boots, sending her flipping back onto the roof of the truck.
BANG-BANG-BANG!
Natasha fired three non-lethal rubber rounds point-blank at Steve's chest plate, forcing the Captain to lock his guard and take the brunt of the kinetic impact.
"You're fighting out of sync, Cap!" Jack wheezed rasply, creeping up from behind like a phantom, his bloodshot eyes gleaming through the mist. "You're trying to play chess... but we're playing DODGEBALL IN A FUNHOUSE! CATCH!"
Jack tossed a live, high-grade smoke grenade directly into Cap's faceplate!
Steve caught it mid-air, but before he could hurl it off the bridge, Jack tapped the grenade with his finger, triggering [Joker’s Anarchy Ledger] to instantly detonate the fuse!
BOOM-PFFFT!
A massive cloud of dense, yellow-and-violet carnival fog engulfed Captain America and the front lines of the S.H.I.E.L.D. blockade!
"GOGGLES! USE THERMAL!" a S.H.I.E.L.D. commander shouted into his radio.
By the time the thermal scopes cut through the colorful haze, Captain America was standing alone in the middle of the bridge, holding a half-melted strawberry ice cream bar that had been taped to the back of his shield.
Attached to the popsicle stick was a small handwritten note in bright red lipstick:
"Thanks for the ride, Cap! Keep the change! - J & The Girls xoxo"
Down below the bridge deck, a high-speed S.H.I.E.L.D. stealth speedboat was already roaring down the East River toward the harbor, driven by Natasha with Jack and Felicia laughing hysterically on the stern as they disappeared into the dark New York fog.
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